Dreams and Heart Murmurs

Hi again,

I tried to dream last night. There was something there when I awoke, but it wasnt clear or gorund breaking. I was arriving at a party sometime after dark. I saw some of my friends there. It was a birthday party for a friend. It was kind of a let down that it was the dream.

I've done a fair amount of work today. Sometimes the pace and amount of work get to me. I am not one to not want to get things done, so I try real hard to get what is in front of me accomplished. Sometimes I push myself too much. Right now I feel somewhat burnt out, like I am moving so fast that when I do slow down my body has to take time to acclimate itself to this new speed.

These times sometimes coincide with the murmurs I feel, the times when maybe my heartbeat isn't what it should be. The writing I do helps, as does listening to slower music. Right now there is some Ben Harper songs playing on my work computer. I brought in some personal music to listen to at work, thinking maybe it would help my mood throughout the day.

With my job I help people fix problems with whatever we as a company have sold to them. Seems like I am somewhat good at fixing other people's problems. If only I was that good at fixing my own problems. I am working on it, but it easy to overlook what you are going through with everything that is happening in the world. It is sometimes easier to not see the problems in your own life, maybe hoping they will fix themselves. I fight against this more than I should in my opinion. It seems that everytime I get something fixed, something else creeps in that I should have seen and fixed a long time ago. Maybe I am just now paying for all the mistakes and unfixed problems of my past.

I am being vague I know, but that is a writers priveledge. A slow song by Anggun is playing 'Breathe in Water'. I first saw her music on the soundtrack from 'The Transporter' and the song "On the Breath of an Angel.' I think she is french and arabic. She has a really good voice, and most of her songs I can put on a low volume at work. I listen to most any kind of music though, from the ACB's to Warren Zevon. Kid Rock sampled the beat to "Werewolf in London' for his new song. I think that is okay, but the technique of sampling for beats in songs is used too much. You may ask why this is important. It deals with creativity. We are becoming less and less creative as individuals. The more we lean on the past, the more we chance damaging our future. We need smart creative people to bring about the changes needed to advance as a society, as the human race.

You don't hear that phrase much lately 'human race'. Is the word 'race' thought to be a bad word? We all belong to the human race, no matter where you were born or what you believe in.

I just got another email on this job that is really stressing me out. How can we have so many problems on one job? My boss told me this morning that they wanted to keep me in this position for longer than the year they originally told me back last October. I don't see me lasting past Halloween here if that happens. I may be strong and mature enough for this job, but it is the kind that burns people out quick. Lunch is close to over, and maybe I can get a jump on that problem if I at least look at the email that just came in.


Hope wherever you are, that your day is better than mine,


Nate