Money

Money doesn't stay.
It chases the sun
burning itself away.

Like ashes rising
in the morning light
I chase the sun too

All of me flying
toward the heavens.


Love doesn't leave.
It stays close inside us
warming us on cold nights.

Like embers at the heart
of the nights fires
I miss your love.

All of you is here
deep within my soul.


Music fuels my thoughts most times. I envy those who can take what they feel and convey it to me so well. There is power in that ability, but not a tangible force. It is more of a spiritual power. This cough and congestion has been with me for awhile now, maybe a few days. I am taking some medicine, but if it doesn't get better I'll go see a doctor.

I have never really believed deep down that money will buy you any happiness. It is an argument that I hear from time to time though. When I was younger there were many times when we had money, but not much happiness. I've worked a lot in my life, in many different jobs. Money buys cars, tvs, food, alcohol, toys, but it will never ever buy happiness.

That makes me sort of a hypocrite though, for what did I do when I graduated with a college degree? I took the most money, the safe path in life. Maybe it is coincidence that they were the same path.

There was a time
these words flowed,
without me even thinking.

But not now
there are just
ghosts of truth,

lingering,
wishing to be
reborn in someone else's eyes.

I think more
these days now
when passion escapes me.

My limits,
and my faults
are always in my thoughts.

Reminding me
of who I am today
and have always been.

These words
they flow in my mind
they are me, and I am them.

I steal a little
to twist with myself
to make these feelings whole.

The words
of a song inspire
and shape my malleable form.

My words are ghosts
of my past, living here and now
helping to shape some kind of future.

There was a time
these words flowed,
without me even thinking.


All we have in this life are our words and our actions. They define us for the most part. We do not always say what we mean or feel. Sometimes I say the wrong thing, at the wrong time. Sometimes I am an insensitive person, not thinking of how others feel. The last one makes me think that maybe deep down I am really not a good person, but some deep seated moral compass makes up for it keeping me from doing things I know I would later regret. I would like to think that I was raised as a God fearing person who knew the difference between right and wrong, but there has been too much seen in this life to hide behind illusions of right/wrong.

We tell ourselves what we need to hear to live this life. What does a drug addict tell themselves? What about a murderer or worse? It would be nice and easy to label them as not human, but they are or were like the rest of us at one point in their life. What is the answer, money? Maybe it is love? I am not the person with the answers. I just have more questions. Too many times I have wondered about what life means, of why we are alive. An atheist would have you believe that truthfully there is no meaning, but that we were the fittest for survival. I think possibly we are too complex of individuals to have this our legacy. We have some purpose, if only to love and comfort each other.

Is there a higher power? If there is then I do not understand why it lets us kill each other. For if God exists then he made both you and me, both Arab and Jew. What makes one man better than another? Not the color of his skin, nor the kind of God he worships.

The night approaches
to take me back to you

I fear each time
that you are gone

but my nights hold you
at least in my dreams.

Good night to you in some small place in this world. I may have grown, but I have not really changed too much.

Nate