There are times when this settles over me. They are not dangerous times, or times out of the ordinary, except to say that I am morose, or somewhat sad. Maybe those aren't the correct words, but they are all I have.
It's like I know somewhere in the world something has happened to make this a more somber, sadder place. I use what is around me to focus my thoughts to make myself forget these times, but they still visit me now and then. I use work to push myself past these times, and I use friends to better my moods. We never really stop to think too much on what things mean to us. Well I don't stop enough. I do not mean to project my inadequacies onto anyone else.
My work calls me now, for there is much to do to occupy my thoughts today. May this pass from me when it is meant to. I will revisit this writing later when possibly I have forgotten what troubles me.
What troubles me? insecurity, aloneness, instability?
I was tempted to just randomly surf the web just now at work. Nothing that wouldn't be suitable for work though. My time would be better suited to writing these things out. We all have some sense of insecurity in these days. Truthfully the times of peace and security are most likely behind us for awhile. What we have now are times of questions, times where we do not know enough about who we are as a people and where we are going in the near future. We are not alone though in our quest for security. The world is changing more than we might be ready to accept. It is unstable because we do not know yet what we want. We strive for normalcy, if it even exists, by forcing what we want and feel on people half way around the world. Why can't we just stop and right ourselves before we insist on changing other people? We need to change ourselves. We need to wake up from whatever dormancy we inhabited in the 80s and 90s. Perhaps we are waking up. What roused us? The threat of terrorism has woken up the world to what has always been there. The world is too small for us to not be concerned with who is killing who, and for what reason they kill. I myself am more of a idealist, hoping that there can be peace. But there is a part of me that has grown in the last seven years that is more of a realist. We live in the real world, where people die everyday and most of us do not even see or think about it. Truth is our lives fill most of our days. Our lives are better than most in the sense that we have many options in our lives. We sometimes limit ourselves by our own actions, and sometimes others limit our possibilities because or prejudice or racial bias, but we still have more say in our own lives than people in other countries.
Are you republican or democrat? I am neither, and will never be labeled as either one. We need to be without a label. We need to break every stereotype we have ever heard about ourselves, or where we come from. As individuals the only thing we can actually control are our thoughts and actions. I cannot say what exactly is right. All I can do is live with respect and love for myself and others, and demand that the people who represent me in whatever country I live do the same. We should not live under the leadership of fear, hate, or greed. I have seen alot of politicians come and go in this country. Sooner or later you see the results of men who lie, cheat, steal, and intimidate. I will vote in this election come November, but it will not be for Democrat or Republican. I will not vote for change just for change sake. My vote will mean something if only to me.
My break at work was over a short while ago. It is time to be productive I think. Have a good day wherever you are. I think maybe I am over that funk from earlier today.
Nate
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